DannyJSchwe45

An indecision cost me about 2 years. Whether this is a good thing or not, only time will tell. I am still trying to move forward, to find a different path within my main goal. It's just really hard. I'm feeling a little defeated right now. I was late in sign ups for Radiography, and now I have to wait till next fall to sign up...for the following fall. I will be done with my generals by the end of summer, but now I have to wait.. Petitions will then be that coming March (after I finally get to sign up for the program I will have already completed the generals for). Then it's a praying game, in hopes I get accepted to the minimal amount of seats they have available. This is where my indecision started in the first place. What do I do if I don't get accepted? I'd have Phlebotomy by then, but that's only a step for me, not my career. Should I do another program first or just hope for the best? This indecision is what cost me another 2 years time. Little did I know that my past

I know when I feel like this, the best thing for me is to just start writing. So, I am going to write and hope this clears my head just a little bit. So, I written around 7 paragraphs, but I decided to delete it and start over.- Trying to find yourself, while changing yourself is a very hard thing to do. To be frank, these past 5 months have been the hardest 5 months I have ever had to go through. It doesn't appear that the world will ever give me a break, so I am trying to learn to let everything just happen and figure it out as I go. I do know one thing though, my biggest fear failing. It used to be forgetting, but I am slowly trying to let that one go. I've set my only goals to be not to fail and to achieve success. Whatever that ends up being, I am not sure. It's really the only thing that keeps me going, though. So far I have passed the classes I have taken with all A's. The lowest grade being a 98% in the class. I am trying to work on being proud of myself, and it is a

Tonight's the first night since I haven't been at home that I am sleeping in an actual bed- If you don't count the hotel trip, that is. Though, I feel as if that was...different. I turned off the light, and without thinking I said your name aloud- as if you could answer back. It was almost like I could sense your past self here with me. I know you are not here, but its almost like the darkness makes me feel like it really could have been all in my head. Sadly, I know its not. I know I will not get any good amount of sleep here tonight. And I hope my nightmares do not come back. I can't really seem to write journals lately, so I think I'll just end this here. I have group in 8 hours, always. I miss you, boys. Hopefully I see you in my dreams instead. It's been far too long. Give me strength. DS